1.) If you could rewrite any part of the story, which part would you rewrite and WHY?
2.) How would you rewrite it? (Minimum of 5 sentences - I know that most of you will write one or two paragraphs)
3.) Make sure you have clearly explained #1 and #2 with full and complete sentences.
I dont remember some of the book but i would probably rewrite the part were johnny killed the soc. I would rewrite it to sound more dramatic. I would also rewrite it to make the reader more surprised & wowed. If I could rewrite that part of the story it would go something like this.
ReplyDeleteThe socs circled aroung Johnny and i, there was about ten of them & by the sound of there voice, how they smelled & how the walked, I could tell they where drunk. One of the socs staggered closer to me ignoring Johnny who was shivering with fear. I know that soc it was Bob, cherry's boyfriend. He walked right up to me i could see myself in his eyes. "Your going to pay for trying to steal my girl," he said. "Looks like your have needs to be washed." He pushed me to the ground, flipped me over with is foot, then grabbed me by the neck & dunked my whole head into the icy clear water of the fountain behind us. His hand stayed on my neck with his fingernails digging into my neck, drowning me to death. my hands were trying to grab Bob, but no luck, non at all. Another soc joined in grabing my arms so I had even less luck. I could barly hear them, my head being under water, they are yelling "Stupid greaser!" others, "Bob come on lets go, slug him a few times that will shape him up!" laughter from the rest. I has about to give up when something happend the hand on my neck dissapiered, taking the first chance i get, i wipe my head out of the water, gasping for air. I here foot steps running away, a car engine then the car zoomimg off But then i relize, Johnny! i look beside my fearing what state Johnny is in, there is Johnny just standing there. I get up & get a good long look at him. his eyes wider then i have ever seen them, he is stone cold, he is standind so still that he could be a statue. He dropped something, i gaze down to where this odject was lying carelessly. Johnny's knife, stained red. I look back at Johnny & take a step back & fall backwards. I hit the ground hard & I see what i tripped on. Who I tripped on. I have the same stone cold look on my face when i turn my attention to Johnny. Kind, weak Johnny. I never thought he could do it. He just killed Bob.
I would rewrite the part where Johnny dies and this is what would happen:
ReplyDeletePonyboy and Dallas arrive in Johhny's hospital room. As soon as Johnny sees them, he gets imcredible erergy and jumps out of his bed and goes with Dally and Ponyboy to the Soc's hangout and they beat up all the Socs that were in the fight, and they sent Paul Newman to the hospital with a broken jaw. Shortly after most of the Socs are defeated, the 3 boys get cornered. But Dallas had secretly called Sodapop and told him to tell the gang what was going on. About 2 seconds later the other greasers show up with blades andd 'heaters' and scare the socs away. Soda and Darrel take Johnny and Dallas and Ponyboy back to their house, and as soon as they reach the door, Randy jumps out and yells: "You killed my best friend!" and stabs Johhny. Dallas breaks Randy's back with a single punch and Randy dies instantly, and so does Johnny. The story then goes on from normal from here.
P.S. Check out my review on The Outsiders at http://bookreviewsadrianamato.blogspot.com/2011/05/outsiders-by-se-hinton.html
If I could go back into The Outsiders I would rewrite the part when Dally slapped Ponyboy in the face because they slept over at the lot. I would rewrite this so there is more emotion and it is more dramatic. This is what it would look like.
ReplyDeletePonyboy, Jonny, and Sodapop just got back from sleeping over at the lot and Dally isn't to thrilled with Ponyboy not coming home that night. Jonny said to Sodapop "Why didn't you bring the boys home from the lot? You guys could of got hurt from the socs or other troubled gang members". Ponyboy defended Sodapop and aurgued "It's not his fault that he didn't bring us back from the lot". "Shut up Ponyboy!" Shouted Dally. "No you shut up Dally!" Srceemed Ponyboy. After Ponyboy yelled at Dally, Dally slapped Ponyboy across the face. Ponyboy started to burst out in teers . He sprinted down the stairs as fast as he could. Ponyboy through open the door to the front yard and bolted over to the lot. Just as Ponyboy sat down at the lot he saw Jonny dashing through the door and coming straight for him in the lot. Right behind him was a red mustang flashing its lights. I yelled at Jonny saying "Isn't that the mustang that we saw the socs riding in last night?" "I think so" said Jonny.
If I could rewrite any part from the outsiders it would be when the Church burns down. I would rewrite this to make it more descriptive so it would sound like this.
ReplyDelete"Hey, isn't that the Church up there?" asked Johnny "Ya that is the Church but what is that black smoke doing above it?" asked PonyBoy "Lets go check it out." said Dally.
As PonyBoy, Dally and Johnny made there way up the hill the smoke got larger and as they made it to the top they could see large orange flames everywhere. Johnny said "The Church is on fire!" then PonyBoy looked and saw a school bus with a teacher beside it, the teacher had a worried face on her so PonyBoy looked where she was looking and saw 5 kids trapped in the church! "Those kids...We need to save them!" yelled PonyBoy. Dally said "Are you crazy PonyBoy? The whole Church is coming down!" "I think we should save them too" said Johnny. "Ok then I guess we will all go in together and save those kids!" said Dally. All together they jumped through the window and ran over towards the sobbing kids and PonyBoy, Johnny and Dally each grabbed a kid...Well Dally grabbed 2. They jumped out the window with the kids and Jhonny and PonyBoy went in and grabbed the last one. "This is the last one!" yelled PonyBoy over the noise of falling beams. "I can get him through! You go!" Yelled Johnny. So PonyBoy ran towards the window but as he was running his eyes started to go blurry and his legs wobbly and as he got out the window he blacked out.
@miss cookies
ReplyDeleteThat was amazing! I could find no spelling mistakes and it was packed with descriptive words andit was very dramatic just like you said. Also jut like you said, I was wowed at your version of the book. Keep up the good work!
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletewhere did my blog go?
ReplyDelete@ Sally Jackson - I don't know
ReplyDeleteThe Outsiders by S.E. Hinton
ReplyDeleteTitle: The Outsiders
Author: S.E. Hinton
Publishing date: 1967
Genre: Action, Drama
I rated this book 8/10.
The Outsiders was an awesome book. It is about a battle between a poor West side gang called 'Greasers' and a rich gang called 'Socs'. The main character is a 14-year old boy named Ponyboy. He lives with his two brothers, a tough football player named Darrel and a cool, handsome guy named Sodapop. This is a paragraph of what happens in the story:
The book goes on without anything really important until around the middle of the book, Darrel hits Ponyboy and Ponyboy runs to his friend Johnny and tells him they're running away. They reach a playground and Ponyboy starts to calm down when the two boys meet a group of socs. One of the socs, named Bob, grabs Ponyboy and tries to drown him in a fountain. This is where the story starts to twist a little bit. Johnny gets scarred and stabs Bob. The boys then go to the only person they think they can trust - Dallas Winston, a mean, irresponsible 17-year old who can't go a day without getting into some kind of trouble. Dallas tells the boys to hise in an old church in Windrixville. They stay at the church for a week, and when they are about to leave, they see that the church was on fire and people are crowding around it. Ponyboy runs to the church and asks a man what is going on. The man says someone must have dropped a lit cigarette, and there were children in the church. Without hesitation, Ponyboy runs into the church to help the kids. As he enters the church through a smashed window, he turns around and was surprised to see Johnny right behind him. The boys lead the kids out the window, and just after Ponyboy gets out the window, a wooden beam lands on Johhny, breaking his back.
I think I would rewrite the part when Johnny and Ponyboy are in the burning church tying to save the children. I would rewrite this and put more detail. "Thats the last one!" yelled Johnny. "Alright!" I yelled while jumping out the window, but next thing I knew I felt a sharp pain run up my back. I heard Johnny scream then I blacked out. I woke up to sirens going off and the sound that cars make if you put your ear to a seat or something, its kind of like a brvroooom noice. I looked to the right, the teacher of the kids was there, I tried to spit out some words but all I said was "Agh..." I felt stupid at that point. Within a few minutes I was able to speak and I said the first thing on my mind "Wheres... Johnny?" The just teacher said the simplest thing in reply "There in the other ambulance. Just rest boy, your in no shape to talk." I was kind of angry at his reply, but since I barely had the energy to blink I just stared at him blankly. Eventually we reached the hospital. I watched them take Johnny's crippled body by... I wish I could've cried at the sight of his pale white face but us greasers don't cry in public. So I simply just said "Hello" as they rolled him by, I wish I said something more... Heart warming as they walked by to lighten his spirit but I couldn't think of anything.
ReplyDelete@miss cookies Nice! I would of re written that art too but i can't remember that much of it. You have a great memory!
ReplyDelete@ Chuck Norris great job writing the paragraph. You did a great job describing how Jonny died. Keep it up!!!
ReplyDelete@tomas sadit? is that supposed to be said?? anyway, great rewriteing!
ReplyDelete@miss cookies Good description, I could imagine that.
ReplyDeleteThe part that I would rewrite is the part
ReplyDeletewhen Johnny is talking to Two-bit and Ponyboy in the hospital. I pick this part to add more detail or description. Here it is:
Two-bit and I slowly tip-toe into the room Johnny is in, being very quiet as we go. There he lies, stiff as a stone, with his eyes tightly closed. As we get closer, I wonder, is he already dead? I can't tell. Slowly Two-bit started to speak, "Hey, Johnny kid". Sleepily Johnny opens his eyes, trying to show a smile on his face. "Hey, y'all",he says. The nurse grinning slightly at Two-bit and I says, "So he can talk after all". Two-bit pulls his eyes away from the nurse and says to Johnny, "They treating you okay, kid?". Johnny puts his eyes on Two-bit and says with a gasp, "Don't...". I look at Johnny seeing if he could go on with what he is saying. "don't let me put enough grease in my hair", Johnny finishes. "Don't talk" said Two-bit. Then he pulls out a chair and settles in it. Afterwards Two-bit says, "Just listen. We'll bring you some hair grease next time. We're havin' the big rumble tonight". I look at Johnny and see his eyes widening at what was just said, but, he does not say anything. Then Two-bit goes on, "It's too bad you and Dally can't be in it. It's the first big rumble we've had-not countin' the time we whipped Shepard's outfit". Johnny stares at Two-bit then he says,"He came by". "Tim Shepard?",says Two-bit. Johnny nods at Two-bit then he says,"Came to see Dally". Tim Shepard and Dallas have always been buddies. Two-bit continues, "Did you know you got your name in the paper for being a hero?". "Tuff enough", Johnny managed to say with a grin. By the way Johnny was speaking you could tell that every word he was saying was tiring him out more and more. Johnny is also so pale, as pale as his pillow, he does not look good at all. I look at Two-bit, he is pretending not to notice that. Slowly the words escape from Two-bit's mouth. "You want anything besides grease, kid?". Johnny moves his head upward, trying to nod to us. Johnny looks at me, "The book". Another slow second passes before he continues. "can you get another one?" I automaticly knows what book he means. Gone With The Wind. I explain what Johnny means to Two-bit and ask him to run to the drug-store to get it.
(after a lot more of writing)
We hear footsteps coming to the room we are in. The nurse is in the doorway. She says while looking at johnny, "Johnny, your mother want's to see you". Johnny slowly opened his eyes. You could see surprise in them. Then the darkend within seconds. "I don't want to see her", Johnny said really firmly. The nurse, looking confused responded, "She's your mother". You could hear Johnny's voice rising as he said this. "I said I don't want to see her". You can now hear anger in his voice. "She's probably come to tell me about all the trouble I'm causing her and about how glad her and the old man'll be when I'm dead. Well tell her to leave me alone. For once." he let out with a huge breath at the end. "for once just leave me alone", Johnny said once again trying to get the fact that he does not want to see his mother through the nurses head. Really struggling to sit up, gasping, Johnny suddenly went whiter than his pillowcase or as white as snow, and with a moan he passed out cold.
if i could rewrite any part of the book i would rewrite the part when ponyboy got beat up. i would rewrite it so ponyboy pulled a knife on the socs. when he pulled the knife he stabed one of the boys. so the rest of the socs got scared and ran away. then ponyboy happy and proud walked home with no worries.
ReplyDelete